it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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