drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
