Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
