Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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