P.S. I can't hear my feet
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
