I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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