She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
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I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
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Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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