He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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