You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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