summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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