I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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