Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
