Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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