just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
