I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
