The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
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My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
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The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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