She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
