Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
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HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
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My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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