well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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