Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
