I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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