my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
why is half of my head shaved?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
