Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
there's paper in my vomit.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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