Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
