And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I have aggressive nipples.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
