just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
two words...techno handjob
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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