I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
