here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
