I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
