Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
MIDGETS
????
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
