Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.