bring money and cleavage
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
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So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
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You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves