On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.