Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.