curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize