Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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