i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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