Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
