I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Text me some of your sweat
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
