There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
