I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
why is half of my head shaved?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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