if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
