Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
