I want to make a zoo with you.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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