you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
