So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
