so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
