guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
