Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
