i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
