I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Found the puke drawer
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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