Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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