You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
