Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
