so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
