Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
