So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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