I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
