I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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