I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
and she was petting her beer can
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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