You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize