Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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