i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
